that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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