True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
