if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
