just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
