why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
