I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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