Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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