i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
