And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
