im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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