Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
