I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
