i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
