Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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