dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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