Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
