did you get engaged???
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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