Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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