I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
