You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
