I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
