i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
