i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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