never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
