I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
