Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
