i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
