everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
