so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
