I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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