My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Houston, we have a blender
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
