i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
