Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize