I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
