I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
