she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
MIDGETS
????
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
