There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize