That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
