i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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