Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
