i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
