Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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