i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
