1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
