MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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