You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
