i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
