Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
