The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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