ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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