I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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