her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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