hotel room ftw
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
