I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
