I just saw a hot homeless man
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
