you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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