I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
