he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
