i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
