Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
