I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
