did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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