i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
