When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
