Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
