Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
