Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
