we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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