i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize