yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
