I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
