why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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