The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
