you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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