walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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