thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
